Sunday, 26 December 2010

Love Isn't Personal~A Conversation With Carson Boyd

Carson Boyd: So many people lament that it is difficult to find someone to fall in love with. I have the opposite problem. One of my favorite moments from The School with Katie was the evening of the day devoted to relationships. I went up to a woman I liked, looked into her eyes and fell in love with her; no kidding; nothing held back. Then they said switch, and I went and fell in love with another, then another, then another. And I saw that Love isn't personal. Amazing! What this world would tell you is the most personal thing going, and it isn't even personal.

Jeni Shakti Fujita ‎@carson, EXAAAACTLY

Carson Boyd So happy to hear that you understand Jeni!

Jeni Shakti Fujita Don't tell anyone, but I'm in love with SOOOOOOOOO many people and animals right now.... and they each think they are the "only one". What a silly idea!!! Hahahahahahaha!

Jeni Shakti Fujita And then one day i realized, in truth, I am just completely in love with myself ♥ So how can i NOT be in love with you too? ps I had that same experience at The School. AND i fell in love with 2 WOMEN too. Now I'm totally in love with Emily, Maria, Jennifer, Michael (the girl), Susan... how can i even start naming my loves when there's clearly not enough space in this little box...

Carson Boyd Yep, truth be told, there are plenty of men I love as well. I don't find them sexually attractive, but I love them with all my heart.

Jeni Shakti Fujita ya. these days i notice love is way more fulfilling than sexual desire. Plus, I can close my eyes and have anyone I desire sexually, in any moment. I was just saying to Em when discussing partners in intimacy and noticing how we can fall in and out of being physically attracted to them, "Who could be hotter than me FOR me? I'm so perfect for me." It's a tall order to fill..

Jeni Shakti Fujita Carson, can i share your last 3 comments in my Effortlessloving blog?

Carson Boyd That's my experience too, the ebb and flow thing. I used to lament it sometimes, then I noticed that I didn't have any control over it. I'm just a passenger on this bus.
Back to love over sexual desire, I do notice thought that there is something provided, just by touch. At the end of the party, Christmas Eve, it was down to me and three other women. While we sat on the couch and talked I exchanged shoulder rubs with one of them, and it provided such peace, just to have my shoulders rubbed, to touch and be touched.
Then later we all went skinny dipping in the hottub and foot massages were shared all around. Then at one point I was clandestinely stroking the leg of the woman sitting next to me. Such lovely skin, delicious to touch.

Carson Boyd Yes Jeni, please feel free.

Jeni Shakti Fujita Ya touching is cool. Adrenaline rush is cool too. But heart space is so much more expansive. I'd take love over touch. Cuz with love I feel touched on such a deeper level. I don't need more or desire to feel it again like a crack head... it's something that I always have direct access to, even when there's no one else around.

Carson Boyd Yes, my experience is that there is a love which is nourishing and even when it seems to depart, you're not left hungry.

María-José García Anguiano Nourishing love = peace & spaciousness here
Conversation ends here*******************

I was dating this guy and he asks me, "Do you miss me?" So i tell him, "I notice sometimes I miss my son and right away I notice, I'm no longer in the moment.  I'm arguing with what is.  He's not here.  But the sun shining through my window is.  When I miss you, I miss out on the sun shining through my window.  But I love you."  He says, "HOW do you love me?"  I say, "I love you like I love this comfy chair I'm sitting in right now. (gasp! what did she just say? did she just compare me to a chair??" "It's holding me perfectly, supporting my back and I just LOVE IT!  I don't want to MAKE love to the chair, but I love it just the same as I love you. Totally and completely."  Needless to say we're not together today.  But it's true.  How can i love anyone more than anyone else.  I can spend more time or live with one person and not live with the next but once you know you are love, and so is everyone else, how can you not?  It's impossible really.

I'm finding the more I sit inside the love that I am, the less I can differentiate between loves, people, preferences, tastes, favorites etc. I'm in the love of all of it. I am the love of all of it. I am it.

The more I identify as woman, Jeni, mother, daughter, sister, friend, singer, actress, landlord etc, the more I can say, I like this and I don't like that. I love her but I don't love her and I love HIM the MOST. How silly!  How can I love one Buddha more than another especially when they're all parts of ME?  Do I love my little foot any less than I love my eyes?

Mooji was giving the example of ice cubes in different shapes. One a woman, one a man, one a tree, one something else.  They are all water but when identified as woman, man, tree etc there is no convincing them that they are just water.

I am more than my identity and it's funny cause I notice, the only time I really find the urge to argue or prove a point is when I'm identified.  Lately, I've been reading things on Facebook and where I used to get an urge to explain myself or teach something or debate a point, now a few times recently I find myself going....."eh...i have nothing to say."  Space inside space.  There's no me to be found and yet I seem to be observing all of it at the same time... just without interest, point of view etc. And if you disagree with me and your way makes you feel happy then I want that for you. Why would I want to take that away from you?  I want you to be happy.  I want everyone to be happy.  It's nothing personal.

Just as Carson said,
"Love isn't personal."



  1. I remember the same experience Jeni... falling in love with anyone and everyone. It blew my mind and made me cry. I realized at that moment that I'd been shutting myself off to the world of love around me my whole life. I didn't know I could open to loving EVERYONE! I don't always live that but it was a sweet glimpse and opened me to falling in love with the cashier, the post office clerk etc, whoever is in front of me. Suddenly I was wealthy with love everywhere I looked. Thanks for that reminder! Loved this dialog!