Sunday, 26 December 2010

Love Isn't Personal~A Conversation With Carson Boyd

Carson Boyd: So many people lament that it is difficult to find someone to fall in love with. I have the opposite problem. One of my favorite moments from The School with Katie was the evening of the day devoted to relationships. I went up to a woman I liked, looked into her eyes and fell in love with her; no kidding; nothing held back. Then they said switch, and I went and fell in love with another, then another, then another. And I saw that Love isn't personal. Amazing! What this world would tell you is the most personal thing going, and it isn't even personal.

Jeni Shakti Fujita ‎@carson, EXAAAACTLY

Carson Boyd So happy to hear that you understand Jeni!

Jeni Shakti Fujita Don't tell anyone, but I'm in love with SOOOOOOOOO many people and animals right now.... and they each think they are the "only one". What a silly idea!!! Hahahahahahaha!

Jeni Shakti Fujita And then one day i realized, in truth, I am just completely in love with myself ♥ So how can i NOT be in love with you too? ps I had that same experience at The School. AND i fell in love with 2 WOMEN too. Now I'm totally in love with Emily, Maria, Jennifer, Michael (the girl), Susan... how can i even start naming my loves when there's clearly not enough space in this little box...

Carson Boyd Yep, truth be told, there are plenty of men I love as well. I don't find them sexually attractive, but I love them with all my heart.

Jeni Shakti Fujita ya. these days i notice love is way more fulfilling than sexual desire. Plus, I can close my eyes and have anyone I desire sexually, in any moment. I was just saying to Em when discussing partners in intimacy and noticing how we can fall in and out of being physically attracted to them, "Who could be hotter than me FOR me? I'm so perfect for me." It's a tall order to fill..

Jeni Shakti Fujita Carson, can i share your last 3 comments in my Effortlessloving blog?

Carson Boyd That's my experience too, the ebb and flow thing. I used to lament it sometimes, then I noticed that I didn't have any control over it. I'm just a passenger on this bus.
Back to love over sexual desire, I do notice thought that there is something provided, just by touch. At the end of the party, Christmas Eve, it was down to me and three other women. While we sat on the couch and talked I exchanged shoulder rubs with one of them, and it provided such peace, just to have my shoulders rubbed, to touch and be touched.
Then later we all went skinny dipping in the hottub and foot massages were shared all around. Then at one point I was clandestinely stroking the leg of the woman sitting next to me. Such lovely skin, delicious to touch.

Carson Boyd Yes Jeni, please feel free.

Jeni Shakti Fujita Ya touching is cool. Adrenaline rush is cool too. But heart space is so much more expansive. I'd take love over touch. Cuz with love I feel touched on such a deeper level. I don't need more or desire to feel it again like a crack head... it's something that I always have direct access to, even when there's no one else around.

Carson Boyd Yes, my experience is that there is a love which is nourishing and even when it seems to depart, you're not left hungry.

María-José García Anguiano Nourishing love = peace & spaciousness here
Conversation ends here*******************

I was dating this guy and he asks me, "Do you miss me?" So i tell him, "I notice sometimes I miss my son and right away I notice, I'm no longer in the moment.  I'm arguing with what is.  He's not here.  But the sun shining through my window is.  When I miss you, I miss out on the sun shining through my window.  But I love you."  He says, "HOW do you love me?"  I say, "I love you like I love this comfy chair I'm sitting in right now. (gasp! what did she just say? did she just compare me to a chair??" "It's holding me perfectly, supporting my back and I just LOVE IT!  I don't want to MAKE love to the chair, but I love it just the same as I love you. Totally and completely."  Needless to say we're not together today.  But it's true.  How can i love anyone more than anyone else.  I can spend more time or live with one person and not live with the next but once you know you are love, and so is everyone else, how can you not?  It's impossible really.

I'm finding the more I sit inside the love that I am, the less I can differentiate between loves, people, preferences, tastes, favorites etc. I'm in the love of all of it. I am the love of all of it. I am it.

The more I identify as woman, Jeni, mother, daughter, sister, friend, singer, actress, landlord etc, the more I can say, I like this and I don't like that. I love her but I don't love her and I love HIM the MOST. How silly!  How can I love one Buddha more than another especially when they're all parts of ME?  Do I love my little foot any less than I love my eyes?

Mooji was giving the example of ice cubes in different shapes. One a woman, one a man, one a tree, one something else.  They are all water but when identified as woman, man, tree etc there is no convincing them that they are just water.

I am more than my identity and it's funny cause I notice, the only time I really find the urge to argue or prove a point is when I'm identified.  Lately, I've been reading things on Facebook and where I used to get an urge to explain myself or teach something or debate a point, now a few times recently I find myself going....."eh...i have nothing to say."  Space inside space.  There's no me to be found and yet I seem to be observing all of it at the same time... just without interest, point of view etc. And if you disagree with me and your way makes you feel happy then I want that for you. Why would I want to take that away from you?  I want you to be happy.  I want everyone to be happy.  It's nothing personal.

Just as Carson said,
"Love isn't personal."


Saturday, 25 December 2010

Undress Yourself of the Un Love

"There comes a point in your own seeing that you see the 
same Self in everyone. So to love you is not an act I need 
to make.. it is inevitable..the most natural thing. I cannot 
love your ignorance but I know that behind that ignorance 
is an unchanging truth. As you are, so you will see the world." 
    • You will be relating to each one as your own self.  You are not loving them personally..  it's an impersonal intimacy.. that doesn't have to know you or know about you in order to embrace you, to accept you...not to award love to you.. So when u feel love inside, yes i can say, the love u feel inside yourself is my own self... But we don't say such things.. easy to be misunderstood.

    • ‎It's the arrogance of Ego to feel that somebody should love you in a way..but you are love..It's easy to love love...isn't it? 

      But you have to first undress yourself of the UN-Love that somehow gathers itself around us when we entertain the idea of a private self. When that is uncovered then love enjoys loving love. We can say it like this.. We don't have to be cheesy about it but it's how it feels no?"

      So THIS is why I can love everyone and say I love everyone and truly feel I love everyone even before I KNOW anyone.  Good to hear Mooji make it so clear.

      Merry Mooji Christmas!

Saturday, 18 December 2010

The True Essence of Anyone Is The True Essence of Everyone

Do we fall in love with the person or do we fall in love with our projection of who that person is....?

I am VERY clear that I fall in love with my idea of who that person is.

Mooji confirmed this in this video @ 7minutes 40 seconds and even clearer at 8 minutes 50 seconds.

And when this man asked Mooji, "But aren't I falling in love with the essence of this person?"

Mooji said, "The true essence of anyone is the true essence of everyone."

I have literally been TRIPPIN off this truth for the past few days.... Looking at people on the subway going... whooooooaaaa..... your true essences is my true essence is her true essence is his true essence.... how much more similar we all are than different.  And also how possible it is to fall in love with ANYONE... And I know this to be true for me.. I fall in love almost every day.  And this might sound crazy to you but sometimes I fall in love with a baby on the subway, or an old woman at Starbucks, or a tree or my dog, or a strangers dog! or my heating blanket, or my kid, my doorman, my bus driver... the check out guy or girl... and it goes on and on and on... and now I'm SUPER clear as to why.  It's like I KNEW this truth already in my soul, but to hear Mooji say it so beautifully... makes me even clearer <3 Love is.  You are.  I am.
THIS is truth.  I can feel truth and describe it and still not point at it or call it anything specific.
It's like truth is everything.


I love to love you,

Another video link 

Beyond the Concept of "Aloneness"

Friday, 10 December 2010

Effortlessly Loving Everyone?

I notice how in the past I have experienced turmoil and like a robot, tried to convince myself "I choose peace.......i choose peace...." I'm not sure if it ever worked...but in some way, I believe it helped get me back to peace just by changing my focus.  And as my old life coach used to say, "Fake it till ya make it!"  

Today I was reflecting on how we do that and realized (since Byron Katie entered my life) how choosing peace for me, has come from a much different place.  It's like, something "bad" happens and I don't even think there's anything wrong with it anymore.  Someone says some dumb shit and I find where they are right.  And then I thank them and acknowledge them!  What the?!

Example;  The other evening I'm walking by myself in my neighborhood around dinner time, apparently looking quite bootylicious and 3 high school boys come walking towards me.  As we pass each other one of them smacks me on the ass!  In slow motion, as if I were an observer, I turn and notice them starting to run away... then as they noticed my lack of reaction one of them says, "You're just gonna let him disrespect you like that miss?"  

I turned around, smiled, and kept moving forward without saying a word.  I felt total peace.

Then I noticed myself having the thought, "If I were a teenage boy with raging hormones and I saw me sauntering down the street in these jeansI wouldn't have been able to help myself either."  
BOOM!! Peace.
The slap might have jolted me a little but in a matter of seconds I was grounded in peace.

Who that boy grows up to be, who his parents are and how they are teaching or not teaching their son to be a man is none of my business.  I instantly found him right.  

ALL I am concerned with (and I do mean ALL) is MY peace of mind.  Who "I" am as a woman...FULL....whole and complete...grounded, peaceful, awesome, happy, prosperous, joyous, healthy.  Who "I" am as a mother when I go home and feed my kid dinner or wake up with him on a weekend morning... who am I with HIM? HOW am I with him?  That's it.  That's literally ALL I am concerned with.

It brings ME peace to find that kid right.

So I do.

The lady who pushed pass me to get on the bus before me...I noticed myself thinking, "She must REALLY need to get on this bus more than I do."  I found her right and felt peace.  Next thing I know she's turning around apologizing to me saying, "Now I don't know why I just did that.  We're all getting on the same bus and I just cut in front of you, I'm sorry." I said, "It's ok, I figured you really needed to get on." We smiled and it was done.

I notice how often I am doing this automatically now a days... and it makes me smile.
Such an easier existence.

Thank you Me <3

Go ahead. Smack it. I don't mind. lol

Thursday, 9 December 2010

Being a Mess~Being Human

The more complete and whole I feel as a "single" person not in a relationship (although i don't really believe in separateness.. for the sake of the illusion I'll speak in those terms), the more I seem to allow myself to be honest with myself and others without any fear.

I've noticed in a relationship, I might have slightly tip toed around, for fear of being left by him or upsetting someone else.  There's also this weird, "I represent my partner" thing that goes on.  The freedom in being single is that there is no one person who can leave you.  I'm the only one I represent. I'm the only one I can leave.  And even deeper than that, in truth... no one can ever really leave anyone and there is a way to feel whole and complete in a relationship too, of course.

Physically, sure someone can leave you, but if you think about the last relationship you were in (or the one you're in now) where does that person exist to you?  Mostly in your mind.  How can anyone else really exist?  Ok, so they come home every day, but if they didn't come home every day would they exist any less in your heart, in your mind?  I know this to be true as someone with a father who passed away when I was very young.  I can't say I didn't have a dad growing up because I believe he has always been around me and still is to this day.  So to say, my father died and abandoned me is not true.  The body goes, but energy is way more expansive.

So say, someone no longer wants to share their energy with you.  They've asked you to stop texting.  Stop calling.  Do they exist any less?  And even when something like this takes place, it is happening to bring you back to you, the only person you're ever really in relationship with anyway (that's a whole other blog topic).  So that person is still doing a very loving act by asking you not to communicate with them anymore.

I guess what I'm experiencing is the beauty of being single, yet knowing I'm never really alone.  The illusion being single creates... in that, I am free to say what I want, do whatever I want, and there's no one to answer to at the end of the day.  No one to tell me, "You shouldn't say it like that, or you could've kept that to yourself."  And at the same time feeling connected to everyone and feeling very open to being in a relationship if it were to organically show up.  I guess also, the next relationship I'm in, I'm going to carry this freedom with me into it.

I'm kind of all over the place here.. Last night I wrote this song, with Mooji... it's kind of where I am today. Messy!

i hear(t) you

Monday, 6 December 2010

I'm Yours~ "Doing It" With The World

After recording the song "I'm Yours", making a video of it and putting it out to the world tonight i realized something kind of major.  When I've fallen deeply in love with the world... and give myself to it, I can NEVER be alone.  It's almost like, being single is a myth.  Who is ever really single except in their mind?  When I am being The Awareness that sees and is everything, I can never be alone.  I am actually AllOne.  So whole.  So complete.  So open.  So true to who I really am.  I am my Source.  I am knowing this and feeling this tonight, which is so much different than just saying it or understanding it in theory.

Who knows how long I'll stay awake this time.. but what I know is right now, I am awake.  Right now, there is nothing missing.  Right now, I am complete.  I am one with you.  I am you.  And i know you are me.  There's no separation in this realm of truth.  There is literally no one to be with.  No one I can be  disconnected from.

My soul is smiling on me as I have this experience and my Spirit seems to be dancing inside me and all around me at the same time.  Who knew giving of myself in this way, with no rules, no boundaries, no limitations would bring back to me such a feeling of completion and perfection.

Tonight I fearlessly and unconditionally gave all of me, and in return, simultaneously I received all of me back ten fold in the form of my brothers and sisters in the light.

I look forward to doing this in my intimate relationship as well... but what divine practice to "do it" with the world, (which is me), first.

Sunday, 5 December 2010

What Causes Misery? What Causes Joy?


The 'wanting' is actually causing the misery.  Believing that I could be lacking ANYTHING actually causes misery.  We imagine, "When I get it I'll be happy.." Ok, so one day you get it and it SEEMS to make you happy but a day later you want something different and here comes misery, dissatisfaction or discontentment once again.  In reality there is no happiness in that thing.  It is the absence of wanting that brings about our natural state of joy.  I can apply this to anything!  From rearranging my apt, finding a new apt, buying a new car, or getting a new haircut, to losing weight, buying new shoes getting a new room mate or looking for a man to be in a relationship with.  Knowing that I am complete and whole just as I am right now.  No thing is missing.  This is it!  So simple yet so easy to forget when Ego takes over. Ego wants us to believe there is always something out there BETTER than this.  The grass is always greener. This hair cut is cute is but what if we went juuuust a little shorter.. or straighter or curlier... maybe we should color it!  

Once again Mooji has blown my mind and I am floating on yet another cloud of awareness.
"Wherever you have intention you will suffer.  Why not just relax and see what life brings." Mooji

Watch the clip;

You Don't Have to Waste Time Kissing Frogs.

Although I enjoyed writing my blog on Choosing a life partner, my newer understanding is.... As it is a beautiful thing to be clear about what kind of man I want, The Universe will handle this too.  I am now in a space of total surrender.  What a load off!

Mooji, "You are not The One producing yourself.  Something is unfolding like this.  If there is some trust, you can see how the Universe is moving.  It's moving rather well and it brings a lot of things with it."

Q: And What is a relationship?

Mooji: "That also is the destiny of your programming.  It's inside there somehow. Some beings will walk with you for the duration of this bodily existence.  Some will come with bright promises and lights but they fade quickly.  You cannot determine this.  But somehow in the flow of your own unique river you will see everything is as it should be."

Q; It feels good that I don't need to determine anything anymore..

Mooji: "Yes and yet sometimes in the play it might appear as thought you do.  Sometimes consciousness appears as though it determines something and feel very strongly, but its understood this is the flow of consciousness it wants to do this, go like this and other times it's very passive and doesn't want anything at all.  Include all possibilities because nothing can harm you.  Know that nothing can harm me, even if it takes this body away it doesn't amount to harming me.  When you come to know the REAL me, the real I.  This "I" cannot come and go.  It is the witness of all comings and goings but it cannot be removed.  Then somehow it's like the tree of existence.. it will produce and provide you with the fruits that you need.  Then you will see and say how generous the Universe is.

Q: it has been like this in all the other things so why not in relationships..

Mooji; Because whatever you think to be important YOU want to take care of... and relationship is big wave.  Even you're not responsible for finding the one that is compatible with you.  Grace brings this one.  Perfect timing.  So you don't have to waste any time kissing frogs. lol

link to this talk;

Use Your Single Time To Anchor Yourself In The Truth

Q: What do you have to say to all the single people who are searching for a life partner? 

A: "You don't know how lucky you are." Mooji


"During Satsang, ego thins away and it can start to feel painful being single.  Ego is looking for something/someone to attach itself to to buy some more time. So sometimes we have some forced relationships, quickly, where the ego is trying to hold on.  

Use the time to focus on yourself.  Be secure in yourself.  Someone will come unexpectedly.  Not by your own power searching.. going thru your checklist. Then you bring into this your fullness, what a beautiful thing. In the meantime if something doesn't come along, don't be waiting, use your energy to be steady in the truth.  Don't go into a relationship desperate.  Nobody wants anyone who is desperate, it's such a turn off, don't be desperate.  If you're desperate you are misguided by your thoughts.  Use your single time to throw off desperation and to be anchored in the truth. Then, in the right moment, life brings someone who is so suited to you. This person doesn't disturb your satsang, they actually encourage and intensify your satsang. (satsang literally means “association with Truth")

You don't have to be a Buddha, but have your priorities in the right place.  Don't put that 'the most important thing in life is not to be alone.'  But somehow you understand that this is your dedication to Truth, to your self, your devotion to Truth.  Otherwise a life partner could become a life sentence." lol.

My Newest Blog on Effortless Relationships

My girl Michelle asked me if I would write a relationship blog.  I made some joke about not knowing anything about relationships and not knowing what I would write.  Then a couple weeks later I wrote a blog called, Choosing a life partner is like choosing a running partner. It was fun and cathartic and something that just mystically came to me during a run.

Since then, I have gone into more of a place of surrender with it.  Yes, it's great to know what I want, but even greater than that is to feel whole and complete right now with me.  That knowing, that feeling gives me a great sense of inner joy and peace.

I still don't feel like I know much about anything but I'm going to be writing down some of my experiences, realizations and reflections and sharing them here.  Feel free to peek, or subscribe and share your thoughts here as well.

I am enjoying having a long term relationship with life and all that it brings.  Actually, I don't feel there is anything else "to do" other than enjoy my relationship with All That Is... and tossing ideas around in a blog is part of that too.  So................... here we go!

Choosing A Life Partner Is Kinda Like..

...choosing a running partner.

I went on a run today and noticed how much I was enjoying being alone.  I could set my pace, walk when i wanted to, change direction, run the stairs. And I started thinking... it's also nice to have someone to do this WITH... but not everyone is going to want to go on my crazy route at my crazy pace.

When choosing a running partner, I want someone who can keep up with me, not fall behind or slow me down but also not leave me in the dust.  Someone who shares the love of health and wellness and takes care of his mind, body and spirit.  Someone who can be flexible, someone who wants to run WITH me, being in the moment together effortlessly noticing all the miracles of nature and enjoying the river, the flowers, the breeze, the sun, the sky... not someone who wants to put his headphones on and push through effortfully just to "get it over with" or "make his goal".  

What happens when I choose a cute running partner with super fly athletic gear and a pretty smile?  
I get a super cute running partner who may or may not be a good fit for me.  

What I'm noticing is that the long term relationships/friendships in my life have sustained themselves effortlessly because we are drawn to the same things. Music, social work, self awareness work, effortless prosperity, The Work, Fearless Living, Tony Robbins, spirituality of ANY kind, organic food, dancing, having fun sober...yes sober, deep conversations about life and other deep shit, animals, musical theatre, reggae, kids, clairvoyant work, health and wellness, working out, nutrition, feng shui and it goes on and on and on like that.  

The question I'm asking myself is WHY would I want to be with someone who may love music but doesn't take care of his body and hates cats?  Probably because he's REAL sexy!?  lol.  What I've learned is, that relationship isn't going to last long.  Yet I still have fun while I'm in it and that's all good.  I'm at a place now in my life where I desire to have fun with the ones I'm also most compatible with.  I'm surrounding myself with people who are aware and interested in being connected and living an effortless life.  I'm moving away from those who are into drama, control, chaos and effort.  Having a partner, one partner could be effortless too and I'm totally open to that.

I'm noticing how it feels good to be present and fully in my body when making decisions that will affect my immediate circumstances.  How when I'm in my head fantasizing about "how great it's gonna be in the future." or "how FINE he is, and who cares if he's mentally manipulating and never seems to have any money when it's time to pay the bill.", it never works out and there are usually MANY lessons to be learned along the journey.

Sometimes it's fun to run alone.  Sometimes it's fun to have a running partner.  Sometimes it's fun to have a partner but still go running by yourself, and other times, it's fun to do EVERYTHING with your partner.  All of it is perfect and the question to ask is, "What do YOU want to experience?"

I'm getting clearer every day...


November 29th 2010