Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Benjamin Smythe: "Can You Address Jealousy, Infidelity and Feelings of Betrayal in Relationships?"

‎"No wonder I was in hell, I was trying to control another person."

"When relationships become insane, is when I think my partner is responsible for any aspect of MY experience."

"Most troubles in relationships come from the inability to take responsibility for your half of the relationship...which is ALL of you."  

"Nobody can betray me. It's impossible. I'm the ONLY one who can betray me. People will just do what they do and be who they are."

"It's a wonderful dance to be in a monogamous relationship with someone. For all of the reasons it's just a continual reminder that, "I'm here to meet my needs. How clearly am I communicating?  How honest am I being with myself and the other person?  And how responsible am I being for my experience?"

"Nobody is sentenced to someone else.  Even arranged marriages can sneak off in the middle of the night." lol

"You always have a choice.  You don't have to be with somebody and they don't have to be with you.
And when that's really held as true, relationships are much easier.. because there isn't that insane lie that 'i need them' and 'they have to stay' and 'if i don't have them somehow i will be less something.' That's just not true."

"And when you find the one that works, it's so perfect...  You just have to know yourself and then when you do that, you just walk out the door and find somebody.  Cuz it'll never really be about them, you'll just find someone that you enjoy spending time with, someone that you probably laugh more with than you cry with."

"It's available for everyone..I really believe that.  Everyone can find someone that they actually enjoy spending being with and don't have to possess to somehow enjoy that."

Link to video: 

Monday, 7 March 2011

Ben Smythe~ How Do You Love What Isn't Permanent?

"Love seems to be the ability to hold completly ..smoke... To love, wind..... chasing after the wind...The nature of loving fire and loving smoke is not misunderstanding it's nature.  How to love this world knowing full well that it's made of sand or ice and it's melting..." B.S.

Sunday, 27 February 2011

Benjamin Smythe On: 3 Things That Make a Relationship Work

Thanks to Carson for posting this Benjamin Smythe youtube clip!
And thanks to Ben Smythe for being rad!

‎1. No expectations of each other
2. Mutual self interest-Genuinely being interested in similar things and making no sacrifices if you're not interested. (People that think you have to sacrifice in a relationship are people who don't yet know what freedom is.)  Resentment is always the outcome when we sacrifice.  
3. Some kind of appreciation, affection, massage, attention to each other's bodies. The bodies have to meet in some kind of way that is mutually agreeable. The difference between friendship and romance is, the body is involved.


Sunday, 16 January 2011

Be who you are and love who you be! Cuz then, you can truly rest in peace.

At the end of the night right before you drift off to sleep you can't take all the people you love.
You can't take all the people that get on your nerves either, or your thoughts about them and how you would do it so much better than them.  (I speak from personal experience of course:)

I can't take my kid with me into deep sleep.. can't take my furry kids either.  I can take my judgements, opinions, negativity and bad thoughts with me but then I'll just have bad dreams and wake up tired, so I figure it's best to leave those behind too.  When I go to sleep I don't take my goals, desires and aspirations nor do I take my achievements and accolades.  Deep sleep calls for none of this.  Deep sleep is where I get to rest in peace.  

What if dying was just like that? (it is.)
When it's all said and done does ANY of this crap even MATTER??  
If it feels good keep it, but if it stresses you out, throw it in the garbage, tie up the bag and toss that shit out.  

Tonight I'm real clear that none of it matters.  Even the feel good stuff.  The deal is, if it makes you feel good right now, in the next moment, if that thing goes away or changes, you could lose that good feeling.  And if you're real invested in how others feel about YOU, well get ready to ride the roller coaster of your life my friend.  Let it go!  They're gonna think what they're gonna think.  That's their JOB.  We all see through different eyes and perception is a bitch.  Get real and GET OVER IT.  Let people think what they want.  A great man once told me, "You can't please everyone kid.  There's always going to be SOMEONE who doesn't like you." Sammy Davis Jr.

At the end of the day all i have is how I feel about ME.  Was I honest?  Did I have integrity?  Did I speak my truth?  Did I take care of me (therefore being able to take care of my kid and my animals)?  Did I do my best while I was here?  Was I a good friend to myself first and then others?  THIS is what matters to me.  The apartment, the boyfriend, the husband, the car, the jewelry, the clothes, the shoes, the success, the money, the education, the experience, the lessons learned, the interactions with others.... not so much dude.  Not so much.  

Connecting with others is valuable, yes and experiencing ourselves as The Absolute through interacting with others, yes.  But, the guy who almost hit me with his car earlier because the woman he'd almost hit prior to me threw a piece of food at his windshield and called him a "shit stain".... DOESN'T MATTER.  It's OVER. Leave it on the street.  

Go to bed, with mind empty. Rest in peace with a smile.  

Feeling good about ME is ALL that matters to me because at the REAL end, that's all I'm gonna have to take with me.  When I so called die, I can't take you, my memories will be forgotten, my favorite meal will never be tasted again (all the more reason to chew your food slowly and enjoy it to the fullest).  Sex?  Get it now!   Whether it's with yourself or with someone else!  

Enjoy each moment.  Love the one you're with (especially if it's you) but even if it's a tree or the breeze or a dog or your kid or the bus driver or the stranger in the grocery store...just love. Listen to music. Try doing one thing at a time for once.  Make time for your kids, enjoy your animals, SLOW DOWN, smile more often, sit down and talk to old people, sit down and talk to a so called homeless person, go feed some people at a soup kitchen, donate some stuff you don't need to someone who will use it,  be good to others, call your mother, take your brother out to lunch, write a love letter, tell your best friend how much you love her, give someone a gift for no reason, stop keeping score, drink more water, love yourself, go get a massage, go hiking, get a pedicure, wear comfortable shoes, be yourself for God's sake all the time no holds barred, do what you love!

Be who you are and love who you be!  Cuz then, you can truly rest in peace.
It really doesn't get any better than that <3


Be who you are and love who you be!  Cuz then, you can truly rest in peace
"Let the beauty of who you are, be what you love." JeniFu

The Happy Marriage Is the ‘Me’ Marriage

I thought this article was interesting and belonged in the Effortless Loving blog.  Enjoy

"The notion that the best marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may seem counterintuitive.  After all, isn’t marriage supposed to be about putting the relationship first? Not anymore..."

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

When I'm Unidentified, I No Longer "Have A Type"

New realization!
I'm noticing the more I'm identified (believing my story about me), the more I identify YOU (create my story about you).

Example of identification and it's effects: So I have this story about me that I have a type of man... and this guy I just met.... is SO not my type.  He's way too nice.  It seems too easy.  Too good to be true.  You know... he's all the right things, I'm just not attracted to him....

The more I believe my story about me, the more I create and then believe my story about you!

The more I UNidentify myself the more I notice ANYONE could be my potential partner.

When I am unidentified, I no longer have a type and it's like the whole world has just opened up to me.

*Mooji says "Unidentified, Presence, The Absolute, The Observer"
Byron Katie says "Who would you be without that thought?"  
Bijan says,  "Higher self, True self, Living Above The Line." 
Wayne Dyer says, "I am my Source." 
These are ALL the same thing different wording. 

When I am 'who I am without my limiting thoughts', I know that the true essence of anyone is the true essence of everyone and I can see, appreciate and fall in love with everyone's true essence.

This opens me up to a Universe of men I never even noticed before!
So many new options!   How cool is that?!  

I notice even with this new realization that my personality gels better with some than others and that is perfectly ok too.  It's just good to know that it's just my persona/ego NOT my Spirit that is doing the gelling or not gelling.  My Spirit can gel with anyone who is willing to gel with me.

I'm telling you... it's a whole new world folks... a whole new world!  And the random postal worker with the pot belly and the big heart better watch out cuz this unidentified one is OPEN!  LOL!!!

JeniFuLovesYou <3

Sunday, 9 January 2011

The closest thing on Earth to what we are when we aren't on Earth

You know.. when i realized "I" am both the lover and the Beloved, my heart finally knew what it was to be full.  I became my soul mate and everyone else became a bonus.
It's then that I experience unconditional love for everyone equally and the identity of those people disappears into thin essence of the Spirit.  And their essence is my essence is your essence is his essence.  And it all feels good.
And what's behind the eyes of another shines through, and their body becomes this cherry on top that takes that love to a place of body awareness and human form experienced ecstasy manifested through touch.
And that essence that we are, becomes One again when we're together, through physical connection when we feel each other.....
and it's the closest thing we have on Earth to what we are when we aren't on Earth!
It's what hippies would call, "Out of this world maaan..."
What a trip.
Who needs drugs and alcohol when we have all this.
Mmmm mmm mmm.