Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Benjamin Smythe: "Can You Address Jealousy, Infidelity and Feelings of Betrayal in Relationships?"

‎"No wonder I was in hell, I was trying to control another person."

"When relationships become insane, is when I think my partner is responsible for any aspect of MY experience."

"Most troubles in relationships come from the inability to take responsibility for your half of the relationship...which is ALL of you."  

"Nobody can betray me. It's impossible. I'm the ONLY one who can betray me. People will just do what they do and be who they are."

"It's a wonderful dance to be in a monogamous relationship with someone. For all of the reasons it's just a continual reminder that, "I'm here to meet my needs. How clearly am I communicating?  How honest am I being with myself and the other person?  And how responsible am I being for my experience?"

"Nobody is sentenced to someone else.  Even arranged marriages can sneak off in the middle of the night." lol

"You always have a choice.  You don't have to be with somebody and they don't have to be with you.
And when that's really held as true, relationships are much easier.. because there isn't that insane lie that 'i need them' and 'they have to stay' and 'if i don't have them somehow i will be less something.' That's just not true."

"And when you find the one that works, it's so perfect...  You just have to know yourself and then when you do that, you just walk out the door and find somebody.  Cuz it'll never really be about them, you'll just find someone that you enjoy spending time with, someone that you probably laugh more with than you cry with."

"It's available for everyone..I really believe that.  Everyone can find someone that they actually enjoy spending being with and don't have to possess to somehow enjoy that."

Link to video: 

Monday, 7 March 2011

Ben Smythe~ How Do You Love What Isn't Permanent?

"Love seems to be the ability to hold completly ..smoke... To love, wind..... chasing after the wind...The nature of loving fire and loving smoke is not misunderstanding it's nature.  How to love this world knowing full well that it's made of sand or ice and it's melting..." B.S.

Sunday, 27 February 2011

Benjamin Smythe On: 3 Things That Make a Relationship Work

Thanks to Carson for posting this Benjamin Smythe youtube clip!
And thanks to Ben Smythe for being rad!

‎1. No expectations of each other
2. Mutual self interest-Genuinely being interested in similar things and making no sacrifices if you're not interested. (People that think you have to sacrifice in a relationship are people who don't yet know what freedom is.)  Resentment is always the outcome when we sacrifice.  
3. Some kind of appreciation, affection, massage, attention to each other's bodies. The bodies have to meet in some kind of way that is mutually agreeable. The difference between friendship and romance is, the body is involved.


Sunday, 16 January 2011

Be who you are and love who you be! Cuz then, you can truly rest in peace.

At the end of the night right before you drift off to sleep you can't take all the people you love.
You can't take all the people that get on your nerves either, or your thoughts about them and how you would do it so much better than them.  (I speak from personal experience of course:)

I can't take my kid with me into deep sleep.. can't take my furry kids either.  I can take my judgements, opinions, negativity and bad thoughts with me but then I'll just have bad dreams and wake up tired, so I figure it's best to leave those behind too.  When I go to sleep I don't take my goals, desires and aspirations nor do I take my achievements and accolades.  Deep sleep calls for none of this.  Deep sleep is where I get to rest in peace.  

What if dying was just like that? (it is.)
When it's all said and done does ANY of this crap even MATTER??  
If it feels good keep it, but if it stresses you out, throw it in the garbage, tie up the bag and toss that shit out.  

Tonight I'm real clear that none of it matters.  Even the feel good stuff.  The deal is, if it makes you feel good right now, in the next moment, if that thing goes away or changes, you could lose that good feeling.  And if you're real invested in how others feel about YOU, well get ready to ride the roller coaster of your life my friend.  Let it go!  They're gonna think what they're gonna think.  That's their JOB.  We all see through different eyes and perception is a bitch.  Get real and GET OVER IT.  Let people think what they want.  A great man once told me, "You can't please everyone kid.  There's always going to be SOMEONE who doesn't like you." Sammy Davis Jr.

At the end of the day all i have is how I feel about ME.  Was I honest?  Did I have integrity?  Did I speak my truth?  Did I take care of me (therefore being able to take care of my kid and my animals)?  Did I do my best while I was here?  Was I a good friend to myself first and then others?  THIS is what matters to me.  The apartment, the boyfriend, the husband, the car, the jewelry, the clothes, the shoes, the success, the money, the education, the experience, the lessons learned, the interactions with others.... not so much dude.  Not so much.  

Connecting with others is valuable, yes and experiencing ourselves as The Absolute through interacting with others, yes.  But, the guy who almost hit me with his car earlier because the woman he'd almost hit prior to me threw a piece of food at his windshield and called him a "shit stain".... DOESN'T MATTER.  It's OVER. Leave it on the street.  

Go to bed, with mind empty. Rest in peace with a smile.  

Feeling good about ME is ALL that matters to me because at the REAL end, that's all I'm gonna have to take with me.  When I so called die, I can't take you, my memories will be forgotten, my favorite meal will never be tasted again (all the more reason to chew your food slowly and enjoy it to the fullest).  Sex?  Get it now!   Whether it's with yourself or with someone else!  

Enjoy each moment.  Love the one you're with (especially if it's you) but even if it's a tree or the breeze or a dog or your kid or the bus driver or the stranger in the grocery store...just love. Listen to music. Try doing one thing at a time for once.  Make time for your kids, enjoy your animals, SLOW DOWN, smile more often, sit down and talk to old people, sit down and talk to a so called homeless person, go feed some people at a soup kitchen, donate some stuff you don't need to someone who will use it,  be good to others, call your mother, take your brother out to lunch, write a love letter, tell your best friend how much you love her, give someone a gift for no reason, stop keeping score, drink more water, love yourself, go get a massage, go hiking, get a pedicure, wear comfortable shoes, be yourself for God's sake all the time no holds barred, do what you love!

Be who you are and love who you be!  Cuz then, you can truly rest in peace.
It really doesn't get any better than that <3


Be who you are and love who you be!  Cuz then, you can truly rest in peace
"Let the beauty of who you are, be what you love." JeniFu

The Happy Marriage Is the ‘Me’ Marriage

I thought this article was interesting and belonged in the Effortless Loving blog.  Enjoy

"The notion that the best marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may seem counterintuitive.  After all, isn’t marriage supposed to be about putting the relationship first? Not anymore..."

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

When I'm Unidentified, I No Longer "Have A Type"

New realization!
I'm noticing the more I'm identified (believing my story about me), the more I identify YOU (create my story about you).

Example of identification and it's effects: So I have this story about me that I have a type of man... and this guy I just met.... is SO not my type.  He's way too nice.  It seems too easy.  Too good to be true.  You know... he's all the right things, I'm just not attracted to him....

The more I believe my story about me, the more I create and then believe my story about you!

The more I UNidentify myself the more I notice ANYONE could be my potential partner.

When I am unidentified, I no longer have a type and it's like the whole world has just opened up to me.

*Mooji says "Unidentified, Presence, The Absolute, The Observer"
Byron Katie says "Who would you be without that thought?"  
Bijan says,  "Higher self, True self, Living Above The Line." 
Wayne Dyer says, "I am my Source." 
These are ALL the same thing different wording. 

When I am 'who I am without my limiting thoughts', I know that the true essence of anyone is the true essence of everyone and I can see, appreciate and fall in love with everyone's true essence.

This opens me up to a Universe of men I never even noticed before!
So many new options!   How cool is that?!  

I notice even with this new realization that my personality gels better with some than others and that is perfectly ok too.  It's just good to know that it's just my persona/ego NOT my Spirit that is doing the gelling or not gelling.  My Spirit can gel with anyone who is willing to gel with me.

I'm telling you... it's a whole new world folks... a whole new world!  And the random postal worker with the pot belly and the big heart better watch out cuz this unidentified one is OPEN!  LOL!!!

JeniFuLovesYou <3

Sunday, 9 January 2011

The closest thing on Earth to what we are when we aren't on Earth

You know.. when i realized "I" am both the lover and the Beloved, my heart finally knew what it was to be full.  I became my soul mate and everyone else became a bonus.
It's then that I experience unconditional love for everyone equally and the identity of those people disappears into thin essence of the Spirit.  And their essence is my essence is your essence is his essence.  And it all feels good.
And what's behind the eyes of another shines through, and their body becomes this cherry on top that takes that love to a place of body awareness and human form experienced ecstasy manifested through touch.
And that essence that we are, becomes One again when we're together, through physical connection when we feel each other.....
and it's the closest thing we have on Earth to what we are when we aren't on Earth!
It's what hippies would call, "Out of this world maaan..."
What a trip.
Who needs drugs and alcohol when we have all this.
Mmmm mmm mmm.


Monday, 3 January 2011

Bijan on Effortless Relationships~Difference btw Dumping & Sharing

My notes from Bijan's CD on Effortless Relationships

Drawbacks from mass consciousness beliefs on effortful relationships
1. Unless you put a lot of effort into your relationships you don't appreciate it and allow it to be effortless
2. Because you have put so much work and effort into the relationship to keep it going you will become so stuck on the other person that you never feel whole and complete by yourself.
3. When the relationship is complete (divorce, separation, death, break up) the investment and the effort has been so great that it makes it very hard to let it go.  Very hard to feel complete without the other person. Hard to receive a joyous life in the present or find a new relationship.  You keep looking back.

Just because everyone we know lives in effort and misery, we accept it as the way it is.
Start thinking out side of the box.  Know that you came to this planet to have fun and joy in your life.

Relationship out of the box
1. Effortless ~ if you could go back to the time before you came to the body you'd remember how excited you were as you were setting up the life you were about to come to. Setting up the events and how grateful you were as other spirits volunteered to play the game with you.  You were most grateful to those who volunteered to play your enemies.  They're trying to bring up what you don't like about yourself so you can heal it.  If you don't remember this, you'll see them as your enemy.  You chose to forget so it would be experienced as fresh and new every time.  Trust the Spirit that you are and know that when you set up all these events your ego and fear was not there.  You put them together from love. You set it up for your own highest good. So everyone in your life came in by your personal invitation.
If you look at your life and see someone you don't like, you'll ask why?  Because there was an experience you chose to have, which will allow you to heal some limitation within.. to bring yourself to your highest vibration to get the most out of this experience you chose to forget your agreement with others.  Knowing this truth and not buying into the belief system of mass consciousness is knowing you choose all events and experiences.

So in present time, look at what you don't like in your life, notice how you feel about yourself when you think about it.  If you want to know the answer ask yourself... do i feel turmoil or peace?  Can you clear it by yourself?  If you can't, then share with the other how you feel about it.  Ask the other can you assist me to heal this issue within myself?  It must be shared and not dumped.

The difference between sharing and dumping: Sharing is based on Spirit. Comes up when we know that we are the cause and one with everyone.  When we share we are willing to clear the issue with the highest good of everyone involved in mind.  Sharing is about taking responsibility for all that's happening and knowing that I am the cause of all of it.  Sharing comes from within.  How i feel. Not about emotion; what someone did to me etc.  Responsibility does not mean blame shame guilt or sin. it means i am capable and have ability to respond to all the possibilities that i have called forth for myself.  When i share coming from responsibility then I know i am the cause of what is happening. I see it as an opportunity to get in touch with my powers once again. Take responsibility that you are the creator.  Otherwise you are just flopping around depending on whatever they want you to do.  Never blame others for the way you feel.  Take responsibility for your feelings.

Dumping is based on fear and ego.  When we dump we see ourselves as the victim and separate from everyone.  By making someone else wrong we can save ourselves and be right.